WHEN YOU STAND at the altar repeating those ancient poetic words, do you have any idea what you’re actually promising?

Let’s be clear: This isn’t about NyQuil and tissues when she has the flu. It’s about changing adult diapers during a decade-long battle with MS. It’s about watching the woman you married disappear into the fog of early-onset dementia.

'For better or worse?' If you panic worrying about what you’ll do if she gains weight after kids, you don’t know what ‘worse’ is. ‘Worse’ is breast cancer. ‘Worse’ isn’t about her bad cooking or your mother-in-law’s extended visits. It’s about weathering her chronic depression, navigating addiction recovery, or rebuilding your life around her disabilities. Not for a few months, but possibly for decades.

'For richer or poorer' isn’t about clipping coupons or downgrading your vacation plans. It’s about watching your life savings evaporate into medical bills. It’s about working two jobs while she can’t work at all. It’s about swallowing your pride daily when you can’t provide what you promised.

It's all seems like a cruel joke. These vows demand the most from you precisely when you have the least to give. When you’re exhausted, scared, and questioning everything. When resentment starts poisoning your compassion. When ‘for better’ feels like a distant memory.

The truth is, most of us make these promises imagining our best selves—the person we hope to be, not the person we are.

We picture ourselves as the hero of the story, nobly sacrificing for love. But reality isn’t heroic. It’s mundane, relentless, and brutally expensive—in every sense of the word.

And here’s something else you probably haven’t considered: Have you asked yourself if she’s prepared to keep these same vows if the situation were reversed?

What if you’re the one bound to a wheelchair? If you’re the one battling depression or addiction? If you’re the one who can no longer work? These vows go both ways, but let’s be honest—society has a lot more patience for a man caring for his sick wife than a woman caring for her disabled husband. It’s not fair, but it’s real. And it’s something you both need to understand before making promises that test either of you.

Now, if you’re sitting here thinking, "Hey—I didn’t sign up for this!"—that’s exactly the point. Because actually, you did.

That’s literally what those vows mean.

But if this reality check has you questioning everything—good. Better to face these truths now than when someone’s life depends on promises you made without understanding them.

No one wants any of this to happen. No one expects it. The poorer, the sicker, the worse. But it can happen—and it does.

So if you’re not the kind of man who can handle that, at least be the kind of man who knows himself well enough not to make promises he can’t keep.